Commentary by: Dick Pile
2019 Season Projections

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Broncos: 14-2

Owner Scott Bramhall and previous Power Bowl Champion (Took him enough tries), has proven his ability to reload talent on both sides of the ball. I would not be surprised if he makes another deep run into the playoffs this year. As long as he can keep those pesky Raiders off his heels.

Raiders: 12-4

The RRRAAAAIIIDDDEERSS. Now here’s a team that is loaded with talent on both sides of the ball. As I started this piece, Andrew Luck came out of retirement and decided to suit up for a final hoorah! I see the Raiders losing to teams who really know how to exploit that defense. Rumors are starting to emerge that there is a secret to beating this defense.

Chiefs: 6-10

How the mighty have fallen. The Chiefs have historically been a powerhouse in this league, with their ball control offense, griding yards away, and their opportunistic defense. The Chiefs will have to change their philosophy. Improvise, adapt and overcome; Thats what this league is about.

Chargers: 4-12

Not much to say here Chargers fans. You’re stuck in this division against these two teams duking it out. Good luck.

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Steelers: 10-6

The owner here is planning on taking some time away this season, and will have to forfeit a few games down the stretch. However, this division is horrid, they should have no problem handling business in the north.

Browns: 8-8

Veteran owner Chris Vanamburg and the Cleveland Browns are loaded with talent. The only problem comes down to applying that talent on the field. We’ll call them the paper champions of the north until this team can produce concrete results.

Bengals: 7-9

Relatively new owner and manager, Jeff Meehan is still trying to find his foothold in this division. He is sort of in the same boat as the Browns, however doesn’t have the team. Give the Bengals time, and they’ll be knocking at the playoff door in no time.

Ravens: 5-11

I’m not even sure this is still a team. Someone call the NML league offices and check on the status of the Baltimore Ravens. 

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Dolphins: 13-3

Now here’s a team that only gives a f*ck from September to February. This is a no bs team, they just go out and win every year. 

Patriots: 11-5

The Patriots are always a playoff team, I don’t think they have the mustard to win the whole thing though. They’ll be playing football late in February however.

Jets: 8-8

The Jets are a new owner, they seem to be in a better position every single year. Give it time, and the Josh Allen led Jets will be replacing one of these teams above.

Bills: 6-10

I don’t care if you have Jesus at QB, if you turn the ball over, you’re not going to win. I feel bad for Patrick Mahomes, he went from a winning culture to the hapless Bills. If this team wants to turn it around, they need to play mistake free football.

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Jaguars: 10-6

Remember when I said the AFC North was a bad division? Forget those words. The AFC South shouldn’t have any team participating in the playoffs. The jags have the best shot here. They are a stingy AF defense and a ball control, time of possession type offense. Judging by their schedule, they should have no problem winning this division.

Titans: 9-7

I’ve seen enough out of this new owner where I think he’ll do some damage in this league. This team is all about capitalizing on the opponents mistakes. The Titans need maybe a couple of years of development and I feel like they’ll be a great team.

Colts: 6-10

This may be a little generous to the Colts. They have some solid pieces on their team like the 2 Melvins: Gordon and Ingram. The Colts still have to play teams like the Raiders, Broncos and Steelers though. They have a tough road ahead. Buckle up Colts fans!

Texans: 2-14

Now this may be rough. However, didn’t they take Kyler Murray number 1 overall this year? That means they finished deadlast last year? I don’t think 1 player can turn around a franchise in 1 year. The Texans need to keep the faith and keep growing their team.

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49ers: 13-3 

The 49ers aren’t exactly the most talented team. I mean they did acquire Antonio Brown in a trade, but no one knows how long he’ll stick around for. The 49ers just play quality football. The secondary players are natural ballhawks, and their offense is service enough to win this division.

Seahawks: 12-4

This is probably the best division overall in the NML. Every team can capitilize on their opponents mistakes. This division may feature 3 playoff teams! The Seahawks are really built similarly to the 49ers. I have to give the edge to the 49ers, but...Ive been wrong many times before, just like when I ate that chinese last night.

Cardinals: 10-6

The Cardinals are a veteran team, they know how to win with their running game and defense. But it seems to me the game may be passing them by. Are the Cardinals still in it to win it? I have my speculations they’re slowing down.

Rams: 8-8

Now if I can call a team “Rudy” it would be the Rams. They try extremely hard, but somehow always end up short. If I were the Rams I would be moving to a different division ASAP. It’s not that the Rams are a bad team, its just that they face some really good teams. Don’t expect the 49ers, Seahawks, and Cardinals to miss the game.

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Vikings: 14-2

The Vikings are amongst the elite teams in the league. They will be in the NFC Championship game for sure. The funniest thing is, no one really knows why or how. They seem to trade all their draft picks every year. A little history lesson, the Vikings haven’t drafted a player since 1982 when they took a punter by the name of Chippy Splinters.

Bears: 9-7

The Bears will win games solely based on Fletcher Cox and Keenan Allen. They have 2 of the best players at their positions. I’m just not convinced they have team chemistry to pull ahead of the Vikings.

Packers: 5-11

If your average joe working man with 2.1 kids, 2 pets, and a job he hates were an NFL team? He would be the Packers. The Packers don’t do anything fancy or cute. They win the games they’re supposed to win, but won’t pull out an upset. Ever. I need to see more swag from the Packers this year.

Lions: 4-12

The Lions have the best defensive player on their roster in Aaron Donald and a serviceable WR in Mike Evans. But after that its a huge drop off in talent. Couple that with the fact they try and do too much; just spells disaster. I’d have to say that the Lions are the hardest team to predict.

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Cowboys: 13-3

Here we have another Veteran owner. The Cowboys have made the playoffs every year since they’ve been in the league. The only thing that can stop the Cowboys this year, are the Cowboys. 

Redskins: 10-6

I may be giving the Skins too much credit here. They don’t have any huge playmakers, but the guys they have sync well together. In this league though, you need make the plays when they count. I haven’t exactly seen that from the Redskins yet. They’ll be battling for a wildcard spot late in the season.

Giants: 8-8

This is a team that likes to try new things. But just because something is new, doesn’t mean its better. If the Giants want to play better, they need to find what works, and stick with it before switching it up and running some triple reverse RB pass option. On 3, ready break!

Eagles: 6-10

Fly Eagles Fly. At least thats what the fans will be chanting, week 17 when the Eagles are 7-8. They’ll somehow squeek out a win against the Giants. The Eagles have the talent for sure. I mean they have the great Tom Brady, but in this league, you have to be mobile enough, or make the adjustments to beat most of the defenses.

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Falcons: 16-0

Not sure what this team does for training camp leading up to week 1. But it seems like this team is competing with each other for stats. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Falcons beat every team they play by 3 scores. They have the talent, they have the coach, and they have the synergy. What the hell is in the water down in Hotlanta?

Bucanneers: 7-9

Well, aside from the Falcons, the NFC South isn’t looking too promising this year. Uncle Ron leads the Bucs as one of the original owners of the NML. Like some of the owners mentioned previously, the game seems to have passed him by. I have faith in Uncle Ronny, but not in the team. The Bucs have gotten worse almost every single year. A once NML powerhouse has gotten old and retired. The Bucs need an injection of piss and vinnager to get this franchise back on track.

Panthers: 4-12

Kyle is also a veteran owner. They have some promise in the team with QB Baker Mayfield and DT Ed Oliver. I don’t think they’re necessarily making the best moves in the offseason. This team needs a playmaker on the outside.


This Saints team is desperate for a makeover. Their team is nothing but average joes who can’t seem to get it together. The Saints need to compile draft picks and fast. Tank for Tua.